The Budget Committee - part 4

The Budget Committee is an integral part of any working budget. In the corporate world, if you were working for U Incorporated, there would not be just one person to work on, approve, and carry out the budget. It takes a team to keep it working correctly. It takes a system of checks and balances, of sorts, to keep the budget running smoothly. The CFO reports to the CEO. The same is true with our household finances. If only one person is working on the budget, then it is going to fail. The spouse not actively participating in the family finances is creating an unnecessary burden on the other spouse. When working in conjunction with each other, the budget no longer becomes a burden. In the booklet, One for the Money, Elder Marvin J. Ashton said, "Control of the money by one spouse as a source of power and authority creates inequality in the marriage and is inappropriate. Conversely, if a marriage partner voluntarily removes himself or herself from family financial management, that is an abdication of necessary responsibility." Both husband and wife must work on the budget together, if it is going to work.

Children do not need the burden of being part of the budget making process, especially since they do not contribute to the income of the household; however, use it as a learning tool. If they have a job, be their accountability partner and help them learn how to budget and use their money wisely.

When does the Budget Committee Meet? The Budget Committee cannot accomplish the task of reviewing the budget when the TV is on, the kids are screaming, or even if the husband is hungry. I have found that the best time is after the kids are in bed, and while my husband eats a sandwich. It sounds stupid, but a full man is a happy man, right? Any time you and your husband choose to sit down and open the lines of communication is a wonderful time. As long as you two can communicate and agree on a budget, you will be working toward a common goal.


Like any committee, there are certain rules, regulations, and guidelines to go by:

1. You both have a say. When we get married, we become one. There is no hers or his in marriage – it is only “ours.” When you are co-equals, no one person has more of a say than the other.
2. Compromise is the key to a successful give-and-take relationship; it is also the key to a successful budget. You may think your husband’s need to go golfing twice a month is stupid. He may think your need to get your hair or nails done is stupid, but you need to reach a compromise. There will be things you do not understand or agree with, but there is a time to fight them on it, and there is a time to let it slide. If your husbands bowling night prevents you from paying the mortgage, then by all means – hash it out. If it just means you have less money left at the end of the month, then give the guy a break.
3. Saying "it's not in the budget" is a tool of control. If you say or hear that, then there is a control issue, not a money issue. I think too many times when we begin living on a budget we sound like a broken record “It’s not in the budget, it's not in the budget, it's NOT in the budget!" When you use the budget as a whipping tool to beat someone into submission, there is no longer a problem with the budget. It is a control issue – not a money issue. All too often (both husbands and wives) use the budget as a way to feel like they have the upper hand. They use the budget as a scapegoat, of sorts. If it really isn’t in the budget, maybe suggest putting it in there next time, or if it’s something that you can work with, then go over your budget and see if you can fit it in. Definitely discuss if it's a need or a want and decide accordingly.
4. Budgeting is NOT a method to make other people behave, it is a method to make money behave. You cannot use the budget to tell your husband that he can no longer have any fund, spend any money, or even THINK about spending money.
5. Mutual respect & understanding is a must! It should be a given, but for some reason the lack of it really comes out in the first few budget committee meetings. I have found time and time again (both in my own life and in the lives of the women I work with) that the moment both spouses take emotion out of their finances, they are able to work together and respect each other’s decisions more. Personal finance is extremely personal and there are a lot of emotions attached to our money. We need to remember that money is amoral – WE control what it does. You don’t get upset if you’re working on the company finances for U Incorporated. You don’t scream, cry, and yell at the CEO when things aren’t going right…so don’t do it at home. Your finances are now your business – treat them as such and leave emotion out of it.
6. Your budget is your contract with each other. Every month, we sit down and agree on the budget. We sign it. It is our contract with each other. If we break the contract, it is as good as a lie, and we have a trust issue to deal with – not just a financial issue.

Things To Remember:

Your first budget is NOT going to work.

Your second budget is NOT going to work, but maybe a little.

By your third budget, it should start to work.

THE KEY IS TO STICK WITH IT!!!!

This may seem a bit disheartening, but I have to tell you the truth. It is what it is. The first and probably second month’s budgets are not going to work, but as our moms always said, “practice makes perfect.” And practice you must. You are not going to wake up tomorrow, work on the budget and all of a sudden be an expert. You are not going to go from “never having bothered” to a professional in one day. Remember the Gomer Pyle on valium analogy? We all start out a bit like Gomer Pyle, but before we know it, we get in the flow, we figure out what we’re doing, and if we stick with it, we can become like Dave Ramsey. It just takes a little while to get there.

We all make mistakes. I make mistakes, Dave Ramsey makes mistakes, everyone makes mistakes. There will be months when your budget falls flat. There will be months when you have more month than money. There will be times when you are just sick and tired of being sick and tired, and that is all okay. The thing to remember is that you stick with it. When you get tired of it, push through it harder, find a new resolve. Don’t let one set back ruin it for you. You have to be strong and keep clawing your way out. Get mad…get mad at living the way you’ve been living. Get mad that you’ve lost track of so much money through the years just by not paying attention. Just get mad and start telling your money where to go.